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Mother's Day Is A Little Different

Yesterday was Mother's Day and it made me think of how much it has changed for me through the years. When I was young I only ever dreamed of being a mom. Everything else came in second to wanting to be a mom.

So, when I grew up and began to spend more and more time not being a mother I battled that grief. Mother's Day seemed like a day to wallow in my grief.

For so many years my Mother's Day was spent, like I am sure many others spend theirs. I would send my mom her flowers and then I would lock myself in our bedroom and just cry myself to sleep. I would want to sleep in hopes that the day would go by faster. Often you would find me on my knees in our closet, crying and praying. Begging God for all of this pain to go away and just heal my body. Social media was my enemy for about a week with all of it's happy stories of people with their beautiful families. Just a reminder that I still had empty arms.

In May of 2015 I actually celebrated my first Mother's Day! That day was like nothing I have ever experienced. I was actually holding my baby boy! I have never felt joy like that. All I could do was thank God and stare at my baby boys little face. He was so perfect and I felt so blessed. All of those years of pain led to that moment.

Now how is it that I sit here and stare at two beautiful boys that I get to call mine? It amazes me every day. Not just on Mother's Day.

But our Mother's Day is still a little different. It is still plagued by a hint of sadness. You see, it is only because of another woman's sacrifice that I get to be a mom. In our everyday activities, that is not on the forefront of our mind. But, especially on Mother's Day, it weighs heavy on my mind. It is not lost on me that her pain gave me the loves of my life. So now, on Mother's Day, I say a little prayer for them. I pray that they know that the boys are loved more than they could imagine and given every opportunity we can give them. That those boys that they blessed us with mean everything to us and we are so very proud to be their mom and dad. But I also pray for them. I pray that their lives have taken a turn for the better. I pray that grief has not stricken them. I pray they know that they are thought of.

So my Mother's Day is still a little different than most because someone else made me a mom. But that is ok! I AM A MOM! I love being a mom. I love my boys and will celebrate every Mother's Day the same way I hated watching people celebrate it before!



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